They: 2 in 1.

December 16, 2015 § Leave a comment

I tried to take my life away.
I drank a few more than I should have,
My muscles weakened and stiffed,
The tips of my fingers and toes, fell cold
They shook, they froze
But I live on another day.

My mind hosts uninvited guests.
Lately, they’ve been fewer
Or perhaps more silent than ever
Slowly, they’ve fed on my emotions,
Kidnapped them into a bag
And threw them farther than I could see,
Fed them to the dogs,
Emptiness has become the norm to me.

I’m a failure with many opportunities – a fraud
With endless personalities
People walk in, assuming a house filled
With a garden of sweet lemon
They see – a basement stinking of mildew

Lured in, it’s too late now to walk away, rude to say
‘We’ve got no time to talk-and-play,’
Slowly, they quiet far afield,
Too late had they known
I’d already spread in their cells,
Infested their vision like rotten fruit
Left uncovered on a kitchen shelf

The potential in me, is as vast as a grain of sand in the desert,
My passion, is as wide as the big dipper to all of space,
My strength, is as fragile as silk on an iron board

I never gave it my all,
But when I do,
I stumble and fall.
Days of perseverance
Are only seconds in the ball.

These success are not that – these accomplishments are not real

I never gave it my all.
Had I done, I would stumble and fall,
It never hurt me – to fail,
It never wounded me, nor has it interfered with my conscience
I – never felt like a failure
Never came into terms
With my true being,
Only do I like me when I mislead more,
It feeds on lies, using me as disguise,
Myself feeds on fraud

I don’t mean to, I tell them,
I have been cursed as a child,
I may be crazy, I tell them,
They say, ‘you are all right’

But I’m a sinner, who spews lies,
For I have no passion, there is no spark in my eye,
This kindness is only displayed
In your crafted thoughts
You will make excuses for me,
You will hold me earnest
I am not who you think I am
I have warned you many times
Take this warning,
Walk away,
But next time, please knock
Because I have to choose the personality
That would fit your likened mind

I hope the next time I fail
It is not in another attempt
to take my life away.

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